Blagojevich Celebrates Advancement to the "Politicalics Realist and Illist Corruption" (PRIC) Finals
Amid the wild cheers of Illinois residents, their hero and possible saint, Rod Blagojevich, made an amazing drive late in the fourth quarter (of 2008) to clinch his first ever spot in the “Politics Realist and Illist Corruption” (PRIC) Cup. “I just want to thank my mother, my wife, and all those children at St. Mary’s who will die as a result of my unrepentant greed,” said Blagojevich as he pumped his fist and played an air guitar for an adoring crowd at Wrigley field during the celebration ceremony. When asked what he thought, President Bush stated: “I was depressed. I thought that lame Alaskan Senator would win out, with his boring but steady gifts from lobbyists. It was like watching the San Antonio Spurs win another methodical championship. But then that frigin’ Serb from Illinois punched that black chick in the face, and I was like, oh shit!” Bush, a long time PRIC enthusiast, punched the air to reenact the moment Blagojevich boxed Valerie Jarrett for violating PRIC rules when she tried to act like a “decent human being.” Blagojevich is training for the finals by beating up homeless people who fail to donate to his campaign fund. Blagojevich is to face Dick Cheney, the defending PRIC champion who has held the title for the last seven years. Cheney, whose success has bestowed him with the nickname Dick the PRIC, is the clear favorite. “There is just no way, some little governor can compete with a man who manipulated the fears of the American people, started two wars, and had thousands of innocent people killed as a result so that he can make windfall profits on oil.” said Sean Hannitty. He added, “Obama kina scares me. I don’t think he will ever be able to be a PRIC like Bush or Cheney.”
